I was sitting in this mogul’s house. My brother was there, and they were having lunch. It was real nice, going down to the beach and everything. And then we see this woman walking on the beach. It’s Diana Ross. I ran down there and got her.
So now we’re sitting in this room. Diana Ross is sitting with Eddie in the mogul’s section. I’m with some common folk on the other side. We’re talking, having fun. One guy happens to use the f-word. And Diana Ross comes all the way across the room and says,
“Excuse me, I don’t know who you gentlemen are, but I don’t tolerate any profanity in my vicinity.”
Now we’re not at Diana Ross’s house. We’re in another house. We don’t work for her. That’s what we’re all thinking. And one guy goes, “Fuck you, Diana.” She was stunned. Her face, it looked like pieces of it were falling off.
No one was sorry. Because what sticks out in this story for me is: Why are people kissing Diana Ross’s ass? Is she God? No. She sang on some records and did a good job! I give her props. But that doesn’t make you more of an adult than me. That doesn’t give you any more rights than me. Being your fan is optional. If you forget that, because everybody’s been blowing sunshine up your ass, you’re putting yourself in the position to take a fall. That’s the moral of the story. Always stay humble. It’s the only way you can’t get humiliated.
We need an illustrator with a medical or veterinarian background. We’re expecting a lot of responses, so make sure to give as low a quote as possible!
News of my deal with NBC hit you today I think I understand why some people say stuff like this…
“Because Twitter-account-based TV projects always turn out SO great!
It’s amazing how NBC continues to pick up insanely mediocre comedies and kick shows like Community and Parks and Rec to the curb.”
But I’m here to point out what the actual articles say but the readers seem to miss - that unlike “Shit My Dad Says”, I was not approached by producers to turn my tweets into a TV show- though that would have been great because I like money.
Last year I wrote a spec pilot, a screenplay, to get an agent… it got me an agent and then that agent sold it to CBS. This year I hustled and pitched like an asshole and left my kids with my family so I could meet with execs all over LA and this project came to fruition. Yes, I tweet, but I’m a writer who pounds the pavement with all of her stupid ideas who also happens to tweet.
The ‘non famous person followed by famous people’ twitter thing sets me apart from the thousands of other writers out there working on pilots so (I assume) that is why Huffpo and Deadline and Reuters mention it. Fun mental image, but I don’t go into meetings wearing a twitter crown, talking about tweets, or how many followers I have.
So, Internet? I keep reading that my twitter feed is being turned into a TV show, and I will tell you here and now, if someone turns my feed into a TV show I will sue that person.
Yours forever I fucking love you internet,
We all love rags-to-riches/genius idea stories. But here’s a reminder that most of them are bullshit, and it all comes down to the hustle.
Ace Hotel - April 2011
Random thoughts via a 6-hour plane flight: